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Happily for me, she was willing to talk about it, willing to ask if I’d be open to exploring other options.We opened a bottle of wine and started talking, and talking, and talking.Before my wife started sleeping with other men, I certainly considered myself a feminist, but I really only understood it in the abstract.When I quit working to stay at home with the kids, I began to understand it on a whole new level.When my wife told me she wanted to open our marriage and take other lovers, she wasn’t rejecting me, she was embracing herself.When I understood that, I finally became a feminist. Because we have small children (ages 6 and 3), one of us stays home.If it goes like the others, she’ll come home in the middle of the night, crawl into bed beside me, and tell me all about how she and Paulo had sex.

My texts went unanswered and my calls went to voicemail.As I write this, my children are asleep in their room, Loretta Lynn is on the stereo, and my wife is out on a date with a man named Paulo.It’s her second date this week; her fourth this month so far.The point is that it should be women who choose, not men — even the men they’re married to.For my wife, the choice between honoring our vows and fulfilling her desires was a false choice, another trap.The point isn’t that all women should be sexual adventurers.